A teacher was explaining to the students why they should have a photograph of all of them and keep it
“And one day you will grow up and look at that photo and say: Hay this is Mark, he is a doctor now! And this is Marry, she is a nurse”
At the end of the classroom the little Johnnie said
“And look, this is the teacher - she is dead now!”
Posts Tagged ‘Just jokes’
Class Photograph
Tuesday, July 21st, 2009Gray Hair
Tuesday, July 21st, 2009A little girl is watching how her mom is doing some housework when she noticed few gray hairs on her head and asked
“Mom, why do you have a few gray hairs?”
The mom decided to use the moment for some education and replied:
“Well, every time you did something wrong or make me sad I get one gray hair”
The girl gave the concept some thinking and replied
“So… why is grandma’s hair all gray then?”
The Ten God Commandments
Monday, July 20th, 2009In the Sunday school the teacher is talking about the Ten God Commandments. After finishing the commandment that one must respect his parents, he asked: “Who can tell me, is there a commandment saying how we should treat our brothers and sisters?”
Without hesitation one little boy replied
“Yes - Thou shall not kill!”
What does God look like
Monday, July 20th, 2009A kindergarten teacher asked the children to draw a picture of their choice. While she was checking their drawings she saw the little Amie drawing very hard and focused in the picture. She went to her and asked what she is drawing.
“I am drawing God” she replied
“But… noone knows what does God look like!” said the confused teacher
Without stopping drawing Amie said
“Well, everyone will find out in a minute”
Could a whale swallow a man
Monday, July 20th, 2009A small boy was talking to his teacher about whales. The teacher said:
“You see, although the whale is very big he has very small throat and cannot swallow a whole man”
“But Johnnie got swallowed by a whale!” - insisted the boy
“It is physically impossible. Just can’t happen” - continued the teacher
“Ok then, when I die and go to heaven I will ask him!”
“Well, what will happen if Johnnie went to hell instead?” - asked the teacher
After few seconds of thought the boy replied:
“Well, you will ask him then!”
Signs
Saturday, July 18th, 2009Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can’t see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.
“Honey,” she signs, “Why don’t we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time.”
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, “Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 50 times.”
Pickle Slicer
Saturday, July 18th, 2009there was a man who had worked his whole life in a pickle factory. One day he came home and told his wife that he had been fired from his job. She began to scream and yell, “You have given them twenty years of devoted service. Why did they fire you?”
“For twenty years I’ve wanted to stick my pecker in the pickle slicer,” he explained, “and today I finally did it!”
The wife ran over and pulled his pants down to see what damage had been done. “You look okay,” she said with a sigh of relief. “So what happened to the pickle slicer?”
“Well,” he said with hesitation, “they fired her, too.”
Making a cake
Friday, July 17th, 2009A little girl and her mother were walking through the park. One day they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.
The little girl asked: “Mummy, what are they doing?”
The mother hesitates then quickly replies: “Ummm they are making cakes.”
The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, “Making cakes.”
The next day the girl says to her mother, “Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?”
Shocked, the mother asks: “How do you know?”
She says: “Because I licked the icing off the sofa!”
Impregnating a cow
Friday, July 17th, 2009A farmer is giving his wife last-minute instructions before heading to town to do chores.
“That fellow from Sematol will be along this afternoon to inseminate one of the cows. I’ve hung a nail by the right stall so you’ll know which one I want him to impregnate.”
Satisfied that even his mentally challenged wife could understand the instructions, the farmer left for town.
That afternoon, the ‘Inseminator’ arrives, and the wife dutifully takes him out to the barn and directly to the stall with the nail.
“This is the cow right here,” she tells him.
“What’s the nail for?” the guy asks.
Replies the wife, “I guess its to hang up your pants.”
Two prostitutes - $50
Friday, July 17th, 2009Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: “TWO PROSTITUTES - $50.00.”
A policeman stopped them and told them they’d either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, “JESUS SAVES.”
One of the girls asked the cop, “Why don’t you stop them?”
“Well, that’s a little different,” the cop smiled. “Their sign pertains to religion.”
The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.
The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: “TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER - $50.00.”