Posts Tagged ‘golf’

Preacher playing golf on sunday

Monday, July 13th, 2009

There was once a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was a complete and utter obsession.

One Sunday it was an absolutely perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, there was no wind, there were no clouds in the sky and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do and finally the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him he was too sick to take the Sunday service, he loaded up the car and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Without a care in the world he began to play the course.

An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to the Lord and said, “Look at that preacher. I think he should be punished for what he is doing.” The Lord nodded in agreement.

The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture-perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.

The angel was a little shocked. He turned to the Lord and said, “Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him.”

The Lord smiled. “Think about it — who can he tell?”

Budwiser, gambling and golf

Friday, July 3rd, 2009

A wealthy businessman was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The businessman took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, “If I gave you this money, would you buy some Budweiser with it instead?”

“No, of course not. I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.

“Would you use it to gamble with instead of buying food?”

“No, I never gamble” the homeless man said. “I need everything I can get just to stay alive.”

“Would you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?”

“Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless man. “I haven’t played golf in 20 years!”

“Well,” continued the businessman, “I’ve decided not to give you the two dollars after all. Instead, I’m going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.”

The homeless man was astounded. “Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m pretty dirty, and I probably smell bad too.”

“Don’t worry about that,” replied the businessman. I just want her to see what a man looks like who’s given up Budweiser, gambling and golf.”

Three gold balls

Thursday, June 25th, 2009

A woman was cleaning her husbands dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with $2000 in it. She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer.

The husband said I’m sorry I hid this from you but the truth is every time I cheated on you over the last 30 years I put a golf ball in the drawer.

The wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said “I guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad! Oh by the way what is the $2000 in the drawer.

The husband replied” Well every time I got to a dozen balls I sold them.