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Driver

Posts Tagged ‘driver’

Parents

Wednesday, July 15th, 2009

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, “If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I’d be a little bull.”

The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, “If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.”

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, “What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!”

The kid smiles and says, “I would be a bus driver!”

Bad truck driver

Tuesday, July 7th, 2009

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, a cup of coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three motorcycles pulled up outside.

The three bikers came in, seemingly bored and just looking for trouble.
One of them grabbed the trucker’s cheeseburger out of his hand and took a huge bite from it, the second one took a swig of the trucker’s coffee and the third one wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn’t say a word, merely got up, paid the cashier and left.

As soon as he was gone, the bikers started to snicker to one another and congratulate each other on just how “bad” they’d all been. When the waiter finally walked up to them, one of the bikers growled, “He sure wasn’t much of a man now was he?”

“He sure isn’t much of a driver either,” the waiter replied. “Seems he just backed his 18-wheeler over three
Harley-Davidsons!”

I don’t know what time it is

Sunday, July 5th, 2009

It’s shortly after three o’clock in the morning. Far, far from home a dog-tired driver decides to stop by the roadside for a couple of hours’ sleep at the wheel of his car. He drops off almost the moment he closes his eyes, but is soon awoken by a man tapping on the window. “I say, you don’t happen to know the time, do you?” the stranger asks.

“It’s gone three o’clock,” the dazed driver replies. He winds up his window and soon falls back into a deep slumber.

Half-an-hour later another individual knocks on his window, also demanding to know the time. The driver once again gathers his thoughts and responds that it’s just after three-thirty.

When the same thing happens yet again, the now increasingly irate, sleep-deprived driver raises his voice at the passer-by: “It’s four o’clock, for Pete’s sake! Why can’t you get yourself a decent watch like the rest of us?”

This time when he winds up the window, he is determined not to be disturbed by anybody anymore for any reason for the rest of the night. Hurriedly he pencils a note with the words “I DON’T KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS!”. He attaches it to the windshield and drifts off back to sleep again. Not long afterwards the note is spotted by a helpful police officer. He knocks on the man’s window to inform him it’s five past four.

Truck driver and lawyers

Sunday, June 14th, 2009

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers. Whenever he saw a lawyer walking down the side of the road he would swerve to hit him, enjoy the load, satisfying “THUMP”, and then swerve back onto the road.

(at this point some of you are probably wondering how the trucker could distinguish the lawyers from the humans. Obviously he saw the trail of slime they left!)

One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.

He asked the priest, “Where are you going, Father?”

“I’m going to the church 5 miles down the road,” replied the priest.

“No problem, Father! I’ll give you a lift. Climb in the truck.” The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road.

Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud “THUD”. Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn’t see anything, he turned to the priest and said, “I’m sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer.”

“That’s okay”, replied the priest. “I got him with the door!”

Blonde driver

Friday, May 8th, 2009

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ….”
“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”

Source: http://www.coolblondejokes.com/