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Baby

Posts Tagged ‘baby’

A typical 25 pound Canadian boy

Thursday, June 4th, 2009

A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar…. He gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear & orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Canadian baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds but the Canadian just shrugs, “That’s about average up North, folks. Like I said, my boy’s a typical Canadian baby boy.”

Congratulations showered him from all around & many exclamations of “WOW!” were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later the Canadian returns to the bar. The bartender says “Say, you’re the father of that typical Canadian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren’t you? Everybody’s been makin’ bets about how big he’d be in two weeks. We were gonna call you… so how much does he weigh now?”

The proud father answers, “Seventeen pounds.” The bartender is puzzled & concerned. “What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born.” The Canadian father takes a slow swig from his Molson Canadian, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender & proudly says, “Had him circumcised”.

Hold the lantern, Mike

Friday, May 29th, 2009

Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a rural area in the west of England. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes’ wife is begins to deliver the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. “What d’ya want me to do, Doctor?” “Hold the lantern, Mike. Here it comes!” the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
“Mike, you’re the proud father of a fine strapping boy.” “Saints be praised, I…” Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, “Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, Mike.” Soon the doctor delivers the next child. “You’ve a full set now, Mike. A beautiful baby daughter.”
“Thanks be to…”
Again the Doctor cuts in, “Hold the lantern, Mike, Hold the lantern!” Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor
holds up the baby for Mike’s inspection.
“Doctor,” asks Mike, “Do you think it’s the light that’s attracting them?”