A bus load of attorneys were driving down a country road when all of a sudden the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer’s field. The old farmer after seeing what happened went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the attorneys.
A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and then asked the old farmer, “Were they all dead?”
The old farmer replied, “Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you know how them attorneys lie.”
The rabbit and the bear were fishing one day. Suddenly the bear caught the golden fish. She asked them to let her go, and she will fulfill three wishes to each of them. Of coures they did and she asked what their wishes are.
“I want all the bears in this forest to be female!” said the bear
“I want a helmet” sait the rabbit
“Done”, said the fish. “What’s number two?”
“I want all the bears in the entire continent to be female!” said the bear
“I want a motorcycle”, asked the rabbit
“Done too. What will be the last one?” asked the golden fish
“I want ALL the bears on the entire Earth to be female!!!” asked the bear
And the rabbit’s last wish was
“And I want the bear to be gay!”
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. “Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s “the” night. We’re having dinner with her parents, and then we’re going out. And I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna get lucky after that. Once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time, so you’d better give me the 12 pack.” The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, “You never told me that you were such a religious person.”
He leans over to her and says, “You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.”