September 3rd, 2009
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.
“You all have obsessions,” he observed. To the first mother he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You even named your daughter Candy.” He turned to the second mom. “Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.” He turned to the third mom. “Your obsession is alcohol and your child’s name is Brandy.”
At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered,
“Come on, Dick, let’s go home.”
Tags: child, name, obsession, therapy
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August 28th, 2009
On a ship: one of the sailors runs to the captain
“Captain, captain, we have a leak in the ship! We are sinking!”
The captain looks surprised
“What do you mean? How do you know? The instruments don’t show any problems here…”
“How do I know? Well, there is a shark in the pool, sir”
Tags: sailor, sea, shark
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August 26th, 2009
Daughter returns home after a party night obviously still quite drunk but in great mood and holding her pants
“Where were you? Who were you with? What did you do?” asks the terrified mother
“Where - I don’t know. With who - I have no idea. What - I don’t know what’s it called, but starting today it’s my new hobby!” replied the daughter
Tags: hobby, party, sex
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July 21st, 2009
A teacher was explaining to the students why they should have a photograph of all of them and keep it
“And one day you will grow up and look at that photo and say: Hay this is Mark, he is a doctor now! And this is Marry, she is a nurse”
At the end of the classroom the little Johnnie said
“And look, this is the teacher - she is dead now!”
Tags: class, Just jokes, photograph, school
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July 21st, 2009
A little girl is watching how her mom is doing some housework when she noticed few gray hairs on her head and asked
“Mom, why do you have a few gray hairs?”
The mom decided to use the moment for some education and replied:
“Well, every time you did something wrong or make me sad I get one gray hair”
The girl gave the concept some thinking and replied
“So… why is grandma’s hair all gray then?”
Tags: gray, hair, Just jokes
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July 20th, 2009
In the Sunday school the teacher is talking about the Ten God Commandments. After finishing the commandment that one must respect his parents, he asked: “Who can tell me, is there a commandment saying how we should treat our brothers and sisters?”
Without hesitation one little boy replied
“Yes - Thou shall not kill!”
Tags: commandments, god, Just jokes
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July 20th, 2009
A kindergarten teacher asked the children to draw a picture of their choice. While she was checking their drawings she saw the little Amie drawing very hard and focused in the picture. She went to her and asked what she is drawing.
“I am drawing God” she replied
“But… noone knows what does God look like!” said the confused teacher
Without stopping drawing Amie said
“Well, everyone will find out in a minute”
Tags: draw, god, Just jokes, kindergarten
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July 20th, 2009
A small boy was talking to his teacher about whales. The teacher said:
“You see, although the whale is very big he has very small throat and cannot swallow a whole man”
“But Johnnie got swallowed by a whale!” - insisted the boy
“It is physically impossible. Just can’t happen” - continued the teacher
“Ok then, when I die and go to heaven I will ask him!”
“Well, what will happen if Johnnie went to hell instead?” - asked the teacher
After few seconds of thought the boy replied:
“Well, you will ask him then!”
Tags: Just jokes, teacher, whale
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July 18th, 2009
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can’t see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.
“Honey,” she signs, “Why don’t we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time.”
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, “Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 50 times.”
Tags: deaf, Just jokes, sex, signs
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July 18th, 2009
there was a man who had worked his whole life in a pickle factory. One day he came home and told his wife that he had been fired from his job. She began to scream and yell, “You have given them twenty years of devoted service. Why did they fire you?”
“For twenty years I’ve wanted to stick my pecker in the pickle slicer,” he explained, “and today I finally did it!”
The wife ran over and pulled his pants down to see what damage had been done. “You look okay,” she said with a sigh of relief. “So what happened to the pickle slicer?”
“Well,” he said with hesitation, “they fired her, too.”
Tags: Just jokes, pickle, slice
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